Day 134 - I LEARNED THAT I KNOW THAT I AM...

Thought I would share a modified version of a post I made in an online group today.  It seems a bit self-congratulatory, but I don't mean it as that.  I mean it as insight as to how my life has evolved over these past few months.  I would never want cancer to define me.  But I do have to acknowledge that this experience is seriously evolving me...

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In August, I thought Christmas was SO far away.  Now chemo is done, I am still here, and I LEARNED that I am stronger than cancer!  In three weeks, I'll have a surgery that I couldn't even start to think about in August.  Now it is nearly here and I KNOW that I am stronger than cancer.  In a few more weeks, I'll start 7 weeks of daily radiation treatments and I won't bolt from the room because I LEARNED THAT I KNOW THAT I AM stronger than cancer.  My cancer will NOT survive 2014, but I WILL!!

 

This has been the hardest challenge of my life. To stay composed and positive has taken all of my energy and effort.  But I have succeeded.  They say that you never know how you will react when life throws you a curve ball.  Now I know.  I've got my eye on it and I'm going to hit that damn ball over the fence!  I'm not settling for a single, a double, or even a triple.  Home run, baby!!  Frankly, it has to be a home run because I can't run fast enough right now to get around the bases with anything else.  ;-)

 

This is scary stuff.  I'm terrified sometimes.  But I am HERE and for every day that Heavenly Father gives me, I will rejoice in another day to tell my kids I love them.  This isn't about what we have lost... the hair, the breasts, the spontaneity... this is about every day being a day to rejoice that WE ARE STRONGER THAN CANCER because WE ARE HERE!!

 

Not sure what has come over me today... but it feels really good!!  ;-)

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Day 133 - Looking forward to 2014 and Beyond

Well, December 20th was a good milestone... the sixth and final chemo is now behind me.  I was a little worried it was going to be delayed because I developed a pretty common side effect (in later stages of chemo) called 'edema' last week, where the legs and feet swell to Pillsbury Dough Boy proportions.  I'd put up a couple of pictures, but it would make a few of you gun shy of reading here again.  ;-)  Things are much better now.  Feet are back to normal size and my ankles are once again distinguishable from my calves.

 

So grateful and proud of Steph and Tom for accompanying me to each chemo session.  I know it wasn't easy for them but they endured and were always cheerful.  On the right are a set of earrings Stephie gave me for Christmas.  Love them!

 

From January thru August, I will still go in for an infusion every three weeks, but it will only be for Herceptin and it will only take about an hour (instead of the 3.5 hours the carboplatin-taxotere-Herceptin regime took).  Carboplatin and Taxotere were chemo drugs. They are the ones with side effects that made me sick and lose my hair.  So, while I appreciate their hard work, I'm glad we are parting company!  So long, Carbo and Taxo warriors!!  Thanks for being my chemo heroes!!

 

Herceptin is a non-chemo drug that blocks the feeding and/or multiplying of any cancer cells that may have survived the carboplatin and taxotere assaults.  The theory is that if there are still cancer cells alive, they won't be able to replicate before they die of starvation.

 

On January 16th, I will have a bilateral mastectomy.  On the right side, it will be a simple mastectomy, since the surgeon will take all of the breast but won't be taking any more lymph nodes than are already part of my right breast.  On the left side (the cancer side), it will be a 'modified radical' mastectomy.  The surgeon will take all the left breast material and lymph nodes extending up into my left armpit because the cancer invaded that far on my left side.

 

Recovery will be about a month.  I'm planning on zero activity the first week (really!).  At about two weeks, I will slowly start to resume normal activities... slowly... I promise....  ;-)

 

About mid-February, I will also start daily radiation treatment for 7 weeks.  This intimidates me quite a bit.  I understand surgery.  I don't understand radiation as well. 

 

Also about mid-February, I should start seeing real hair return.  By late Spring I should have a crew-cut's worth.  YEAH!!  Much as I've loved and appreciated the hats from friends, I have really missed looking 'normal' with hair.  While I've gotten used to this bald look, it makes me look like something is wrong and far more is right than wrong!  To the left is a recent picture.  Being bald has been tough.  But, if it gives me 20 more years to tease, love, and harass my children... I'd be willing to be bald forever.

 

Thank you, everyone, for your prayers and support.  I am so grateful!  I am also very thankful for my online friends who are going through the same things I am at the same time.  They are a wonderful group of ladies who are inspiring and confident that we are all going to KICK CANCER'S ARSK IN 2014!!

 

For those of you wondering what happened to walking, I promise to be back at it in early February.  Exhaustion set in and I have just been managing to hang on for the ride for the past few months.  Looking forward to getting out there with you!!

 

May your New Year be joyful and full of love, laughter, family, and friends.  I plan on 2014 being a year full of victories!!

Day 103 - Surgery on the Horizon

Met with the surgeon today (Dr. Clark).  Surgery is scheduled for January 16th, about 4 weeks after the last round of chemo (December 20th).  Glad to have it on the calendar, even though it is very intimidating.  It will be a double radical mastectomy and they will also take out the cancer infected lymph nodes.

About a month after surgery, I'll start a 7 week regime of daily radiation treatments. There will be a one week break about mid-way through so that I can get some Vitamin D therapy in Arizona (Spring Training) .

 

I've been highly focused on getting through the chemo and put thinking about the surgery on the back-burner so I wasn't overwhelmed.  The past couple of weeks, as I was preparing for the discussion with the surgeon, I knew there were some heavy decisions to be made...

 

Single side surgery since on the left side has cancer or double in order to reduce the chance of recurrence?  Reconstruction expanders put in during the initial surgery or wait until later?  My priority has to be the best chance of being long-term cancer free. 

 

It comes down to a simple equation.  How I will look is far less important to me than being alive to enjoy my children and grandchildren.  It is as simple as that.  Special shout-out to Carol and Leslie for letting me talk this out tonight and helping me laugh, cry, count my many blessings, and feel confident in the way ahead.

 

A side note:  A kind friend was visibly bummed for me today that I have chemo tomorrow and will be chemo-sick over the Thanksgiving weekend.  While I appreciated her love and concern, in my mind, I am trading this Thanksgiving for 20 more down the road. Seems like more than a fair trade.  Happy Thanksgiving!!

 

Heavenly Father is in charge.  I have faith in Him.  I have great friends and family.  Life is good!

 

Day 90: The Beat Goes On

Just a short note to let everyone know that I'm still doing fine.  Round 4 was last Friday.  So, we are 2/3's of the way through chemo.  Yeah!  Each round seems to get a little worse than the last, but it is still manageable.  Thank you, everyone, for your prayers, good thoughts, walks, hats, food, and simple conversation.  I am so blessed with so many wonderful friends.

The post-chemo road ahead will start to be more specifically mapped out in the coming weeks.  By Thanksgiving I will have met with Dr. Clark, the surgeon, again. We will hopefully firm up the surgery date and details.  I'm looking forward to getting this stuff on the calendar  and making more progress.

Keep the prayers and good thoughts headed this way!  They are keeping me in good spirits and primed for the fight!

Day 67 - Half Way Through Chemo

Round 3 of Chemo was on Friday, October 18th. The half-way point for Chemo.  Yeah!!  Stephie was my escort for the day.  She is so calm, easy going, and mature.  I am amazed at how well both kids are handling this and am thankful for their friends who are so supportive of them.

The doctors changed up my nausea medications and this round seems to be easier than Round 2.  Very happy about that because Round 2 was really tough. Speaking of medications, I've gone from taking a single multivitamin two months ago to taking as many as 10 different types pills at a time now.  Treatment seems to be effective.  In the next month or so there will be more scans to see just how effective and where the 'margins' will be for surgery. 

 

Super Big Shout-Out to the Keatings and Margot Rustad for their secret surprise! They put up a "Walk with Kathryn Simpson" facebook page to coordinate walking AND made shirts for Team Simpson walkers!  Wow!! Shocking that so many of my friends could keep a secret that long too. ;-)

The link to the walking page is below:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1387873961442846/
If you want to join, just let me know and I'll add you.

Lots of folks are asking if I'm able to go to work.  Fortunately, the answer is, "Yes!" (most of the time).  I usually take Monday and Tuesday off after Chemo and can go to work from Wednesday or so until the next round.

In January, I will have to take 3 weeks off for surgery and recovery so I am trying not to use any more leave than absolutely need to during chemo.

My boss and co-workers are very supportive and I am grateful to be able to keep my job through this.  In fact, I even got a special accommodation for a heater in my cubicle to help me stay warm and healthy.  And, we have banned all germs on the 1st floor. ;-)

Over the Columbus Day weekend, I flew out to Boise to visit my friend Leslie (and her husband DJ).  Had a great time just relaxing and hanging around with them.  Great to get away for a few days. Thanks, Leslie and DJ!!
 

Day 44 Part 2 - Blessings and Tender Mercies

Blessings and Tender Mercies come in many forms...

 

Tom was my escort at Round 2.  We were both hungry, so I sent him to the cafeteria immediately after they had me in my recliner to get us some breakfast.  He isn't a fan of needles, so I didn't want him to have to watch them access the port.  Unbeknownst to either of us, my oncologist was also in the cafeteria.  They struck up a brief conversation because Tom was wearing an SK shirt and Dr. Senecal's kids went to Bellarmine Prep (the two teams were playing each other last night).  So, about 30 minutes later, when I met with the Doctor, they already knew each other a little.  I think that made Tom more comfortable that my doctor was human and personable.  As my friend, Rebecca, would say, Go God!! 

 

The other happy 'coincidence' was that Antone, Tom's assistant baseball coach at Narrows, happened to have chemo yesterday too and the office scheduled him in the seat right next to us.  It let Tom have some great conversation, see that Antone was getting better, and he just had someone to relate to that made him more comfortable.  I said a little prayer of Thanks.  Such blessings are small testimonies that Heavenly Father knows our needs and sends small, but powerful, tender mercies our way.

Day 44 - Survivor at Hope

So much to write about today.  I'll have a morning post and one later tonight.

Yesterday was Round 2 of Chemo.  True to my commitment, I did NOT bolt out of the room.  Round 2  was so much easier. I knew what was going to happen and was better prepared mentally for the day ahead.  Big shout out to my favorite son, Thomas, for spending the whole morning with me.

Today, I drove down to Tacoma to get the follow-up Neulasta shot.  As I was waiting for my shot this morning, I played around with the "Kids at Hope" pledge, which is near and dear to my heart, and reworded it for Cancer Survivors.  Let me know what you think.  Naomi suggested "patient" instead of  "survivor".  What do you think?

Yesterday, my chemo appointment was concurrent with my doctor's appointment.  So, after they had me all hooked up and dripping KCA Cocktail into my body, I wheeled my IV to the doctor's exam room and met with Dr. Senecal.  Tom came with me and listened for most of it.  I asked him to leave the room for the actual exam.  He was very quick to agree.  ;-)

GREAT NEWS!!The KCA Cocktail has the cancer scared, dying, and on the run already!  Way to go, KCA Soldiers!! The upside of having some of the cancer areas visible is that we can see if it is expanding or in retreat.  Those cancer cells are dying like fruit flies hit with the right kind of RAID and a strong cold front!!  That was powerful to my hope-o-meter, yesterday!

Lary Copolla posted a great quote that I've seen before, but that has taken on special meaning this past 44 days.  "God gives us only what we can handle.  Apparently God thinks I'm a bad-a**".  While I'm usually not one to mix God and bad-a** in the same sentence, I'm going to risk it because I know from life experiences that God has a sense of humor.  :-)

Symbolic of how much better Round 2 went... Remember in Round One where my blood pressure was 165/something and I ripped off the BP cuff and bolted from the room?  Well, in Round 2, my blood pressure was only 111/75.  I bet most of you healthy runners my age don't have such enviable BP.