Day 134 - I LEARNED THAT I KNOW THAT I AM...

Thought I would share a modified version of a post I made in an online group today.  It seems a bit self-congratulatory, but I don't mean it as that.  I mean it as insight as to how my life has evolved over these past few months.  I would never want cancer to define me.  But I do have to acknowledge that this experience is seriously evolving me...

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In August, I thought Christmas was SO far away.  Now chemo is done, I am still here, and I LEARNED that I am stronger than cancer!  In three weeks, I'll have a surgery that I couldn't even start to think about in August.  Now it is nearly here and I KNOW that I am stronger than cancer.  In a few more weeks, I'll start 7 weeks of daily radiation treatments and I won't bolt from the room because I LEARNED THAT I KNOW THAT I AM stronger than cancer.  My cancer will NOT survive 2014, but I WILL!!

 

This has been the hardest challenge of my life. To stay composed and positive has taken all of my energy and effort.  But I have succeeded.  They say that you never know how you will react when life throws you a curve ball.  Now I know.  I've got my eye on it and I'm going to hit that damn ball over the fence!  I'm not settling for a single, a double, or even a triple.  Home run, baby!!  Frankly, it has to be a home run because I can't run fast enough right now to get around the bases with anything else.  ;-)

 

This is scary stuff.  I'm terrified sometimes.  But I am HERE and for every day that Heavenly Father gives me, I will rejoice in another day to tell my kids I love them.  This isn't about what we have lost... the hair, the breasts, the spontaneity... this is about every day being a day to rejoice that WE ARE STRONGER THAN CANCER because WE ARE HERE!!

 

Not sure what has come over me today... but it feels really good!!  ;-)

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Day 133 - Looking forward to 2014 and Beyond

Well, December 20th was a good milestone... the sixth and final chemo is now behind me.  I was a little worried it was going to be delayed because I developed a pretty common side effect (in later stages of chemo) called 'edema' last week, where the legs and feet swell to Pillsbury Dough Boy proportions.  I'd put up a couple of pictures, but it would make a few of you gun shy of reading here again.  ;-)  Things are much better now.  Feet are back to normal size and my ankles are once again distinguishable from my calves.

 

So grateful and proud of Steph and Tom for accompanying me to each chemo session.  I know it wasn't easy for them but they endured and were always cheerful.  On the right are a set of earrings Stephie gave me for Christmas.  Love them!

 

From January thru August, I will still go in for an infusion every three weeks, but it will only be for Herceptin and it will only take about an hour (instead of the 3.5 hours the carboplatin-taxotere-Herceptin regime took).  Carboplatin and Taxotere were chemo drugs. They are the ones with side effects that made me sick and lose my hair.  So, while I appreciate their hard work, I'm glad we are parting company!  So long, Carbo and Taxo warriors!!  Thanks for being my chemo heroes!!

 

Herceptin is a non-chemo drug that blocks the feeding and/or multiplying of any cancer cells that may have survived the carboplatin and taxotere assaults.  The theory is that if there are still cancer cells alive, they won't be able to replicate before they die of starvation.

 

On January 16th, I will have a bilateral mastectomy.  On the right side, it will be a simple mastectomy, since the surgeon will take all of the breast but won't be taking any more lymph nodes than are already part of my right breast.  On the left side (the cancer side), it will be a 'modified radical' mastectomy.  The surgeon will take all the left breast material and lymph nodes extending up into my left armpit because the cancer invaded that far on my left side.

 

Recovery will be about a month.  I'm planning on zero activity the first week (really!).  At about two weeks, I will slowly start to resume normal activities... slowly... I promise....  ;-)

 

About mid-February, I will also start daily radiation treatment for 7 weeks.  This intimidates me quite a bit.  I understand surgery.  I don't understand radiation as well. 

 

Also about mid-February, I should start seeing real hair return.  By late Spring I should have a crew-cut's worth.  YEAH!!  Much as I've loved and appreciated the hats from friends, I have really missed looking 'normal' with hair.  While I've gotten used to this bald look, it makes me look like something is wrong and far more is right than wrong!  To the left is a recent picture.  Being bald has been tough.  But, if it gives me 20 more years to tease, love, and harass my children... I'd be willing to be bald forever.

 

Thank you, everyone, for your prayers and support.  I am so grateful!  I am also very thankful for my online friends who are going through the same things I am at the same time.  They are a wonderful group of ladies who are inspiring and confident that we are all going to KICK CANCER'S ARSK IN 2014!!

 

For those of you wondering what happened to walking, I promise to be back at it in early February.  Exhaustion set in and I have just been managing to hang on for the ride for the past few months.  Looking forward to getting out there with you!!

 

May your New Year be joyful and full of love, laughter, family, and friends.  I plan on 2014 being a year full of victories!!